Intuition. Gut feelings. The Holy Spirit.
We’ve all had that gut feeling that wouldn’t go away. That one idea that just keeps showing up, making its way into your brain space. But you push it away. You couldn’t possibly pursue that profound idea. We stop ourselves because it’s not practical, someone doesn’t approve, or it requires way too much time.
That nudge, that gut feeling, that’s called your intuition. Intuition is your brain functioning on autopilot. It’s making decisions based on your values and desires in life. Its having faith and trusting that God, the universe, and your instinct will not lead you astray.
So let’s begin…
I met my husband when I was 14 and I specifically remember telling him “I will not be a stay at home mom.” No disrespect to the awesome mamas who take on that role but I was young, and felt at the time, it wasn’t for me. it’s funny how life works out…
Here’s a little bit about me. I am a God-fearing, hardworking, no nonsense, podcast loving wife and mama. For almost half of my life, I worked, and more often than not it was two to three jobs at a time. There has always been a part of me that wanted to do my own thing. Be a boss babe, call the shots, run the show, and tap into my creativity. But somewhere along the way I lost that desire, that drive, and myself. Life would happen and procrastination would set in.
I started to get uncomfortable. People started to challenge me and my decisions. They would say “ you should do this” and “you should do that”. Each and every time I would have an excuse or agree and never follow through. I would question my abilities and the acceptance of others. I would stress about the income that “new idea” would generate. I would look at social media and think, “I had that idea last week” or “I can’t do that now, because someone else beat me to it.” My cycle would begin again.
I continued to play it safe. I mean realistically, I have a husband and a baby now. I stressed and pushed for a promotion at work. I tried to work more to generate more income. I thought about what people would think of me if I wasn’t further along in my career at this point in my life.
My mother said quit your job, your situation will allow it. My husband said, quit your job, I got it. God said, be still and focus on what’s important (my family). But my conscious said, “girl get this money.” So I continued to do what made sense, to me.
The universe slapped me in the face. Not once, not twice, not even three times! Let me begin with this, I am loyal to a fault. I began my job while I was in college and decided to make it my career. I listened to the testimonies of career advancement. You know, “It’s a great place to work!” comments. Don’t get me wrong the job was extremely rewarding and I learned a lot, however, advancement was not in the cards for me. Unfortunately, I did not realize it right away. I applied for the job 4 times. The first time I did not get the job, I chucked it up to lack of experience for that particular role. I listened to what my mentors were telling me and I took action. I followed the plan that was suppose to put me on track to succeed. I set goals and achieved them. I became certified, I graduated from college, and I stepped in for my manager when he was out on vacation and whenever I was asked to. I knew the company inside and out. Not to mention, I built a rapport with my coworkers, managers, and the people I serviced. I was ready! It was time to apply again, but this time I was 8 months pregnant. I know reading this, someone is going to question my decision to apply for the job so late in my pregnancy. I thought about this too, but I would have been set to start the job after maternity leave was over. I was even willing to come back early. I applied and interviewed, twice! Rejected. I took their notes and the advice of my mentor and prepared for the next interview. By the third rejection, I challenged it. Of course, most people do not like to be challenged. I was labeled as angry and aggressive, and potentially black-balled myself. Guess what, I applied again! I knew this was the one. I prepared, brought a new outfit, and applied to work for a different region. Again, two interviews. Again, a rejection. I was over it, but still putting my faith in this company.
I received a call to come to the office. Human resources was only on a call, or present, if you were being terminated. Naturally, I was nervous. I was not getting fired, but I was told, “After discussion, we do not see you progressing into management with this company, for the foreseeable future.” My thought: WAIT, WHAT?! The voice continued to talk, and I continued to listen. She finished with “We love you here and we are not telling you to leave, but we understand if you do.” My thought: WAIT, WHAT?! She should have just fired me. I was hurt and angry. I invested so much time with this company. I absolutely loved what I was doing and the people I was doing it for. In this moment, I felt defeated. I went home and told my husband what happened. He took a breath and said, so when are you leaving? I thought hard about the corporate roller coaster, my family, my baby boy, and the stress I was under for this job.
A friend of mine reminded me of the story about the man stuck on the roof during a flood. The man prays to God to save him. During this time, a rowboat, a motorboat, and a helicopter all come to his rescue. He turns them away and says, “no thank you, I am waiting for God to save me, I have faith.” Not taking the help sent, he died.
It was like God was saying, how many times and how many ways can I show you to let it go. So I did something that I said I would never do, I became a stay at home mom.
I thought about my desires and my values. And I am going to take this journey not because it makes sense but because this feels right…
During this season of my life, I am going to own my new roles as a wife and mother and focus on self-care! Talk to you soon!